and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
