I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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