Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
