I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
