I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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