I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
