My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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