Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
