eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
