We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
