How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
