She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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