remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They are going to name an STD after you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
