Me too!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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