Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
