So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
