i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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