It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We have started to decorate penises.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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