just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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