Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize