Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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