Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
