this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
