I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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