I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
