I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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