I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
