If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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