I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
