I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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