I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
