im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
