yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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