Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
