I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
