Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
this is an emotional support booty call
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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