he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
