Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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