Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
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