what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
