Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
wanna go halves on a baby?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
