We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
