I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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