she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize