Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
