I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
