Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
