So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
