dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
