We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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