The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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