dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
