i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
