Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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