Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
