this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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