Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He shit in the fireplace
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
