He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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