We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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