you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
