our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
