She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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