I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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