It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need moral support for this bender
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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