Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
