dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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