Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
