There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
