i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
