as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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