don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize