No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
