just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize