dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
