booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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