Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
