Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
