if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
