Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
